An Alternate Reality

Long Board and I like to play this little game where we figure out where we would have met each other had we not met the night that we did. What if his birthday party took him to another bar? What if my friend Husky didn’t get the new job that we were out celebrating?

Long Board lived an hour and a half away, so the game had a bit of a challenge to it.

If we hadn’t met that night perhaps we’d have met at the volleyball tournament we went to on our second date? I would have gone with friends anyway, and he likely would have come up to attend as well.

Perhaps we would have met at one of our favorite haunts, the Underground playing shuffleboard or darts…

But what if LB hadn’t gone to grad school? Well, he’d be living in the same city as me, so we could have met at the pier, at the bars, at the library – a million different places that we both frequented, just never at the same time.

What if I HAD gone to get my PhD? Ironically it’s one of the places that LB considered getting HIS PhD…maybe fate would have changed both of our paths…

Where do our lives, passions, habits intersect? At a baseball game? At a concert? Do we have a fried with a friend of a friend that would have eventually connected us both? We found comfort as we imagined these paths that would inevitably lead us to each other.

But there’s always one scenario that I can’t account for: if I had parented Cupcake.

I wouldn’t have moved to the city where we met.

I wouldn’t have been going to those bars, those restaurants, that library.

I can’t find the place that Long Board would be where he’d meet, and be open to dating, a single Mom.

It’s a weird thing to navigate….I can’t imagine my life without Long Board. I’m so stupidly happy that he’s here that I feel like an idiot to just talk about it. But I have to find a way to feel like I don’t have him JUST because I placed Cupcake. I’m having a really hard time reconciling this idea that I got to have one or the other in my life like this.

So I find myself searching for that way we would have met, where he would have loved us both, and where life would look so different, but be an even better kind of wonderful.

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2 Comments

Filed under a little bit adoption, life with long board

2 responses to “An Alternate Reality

  1. Leigh

    Hey TG Mom! It’s Leigh from Sturdy Yet Fragile… haven’t been reading adoption blogs in over a year, but I thought of you the other day and wanted to see how you were doing. And here I find that you’re married now? That’s awesome!! Congratulations, I’m so happy for you 🙂

  2. That’s a tough one to navigate. Although, you technically DO have Cupcake in your life, just not the way you were hoping for or the way your are picturing in your alternate reality. I guess the other way to look at is is this: if you had terminated the pregnancy, would you have been in a place to have met LB? There has to be a whole list of things that happened because you placed that would not have happened if you had terminated?

    I know, it’s grasping at straws but it is something to think about.

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