New Year, New Surprise

Yesterday afternoon, I was sitting on FB, talking to a first Mom friend of mine, venting about some things that annoyed us. Things that frustrated us. Things that exhausted us. The sort of things that used to inspire posts of mine, but that I’ve shied away from recently. I was just starting to think that maybe it was time to get back into exploring the ugly thoughts, the frustrations, and the things that I just don’t “get” when a sudden urge overtook me.

I thought, why don’t I check Dee’s FB and see if there’s anything new!

Now, much like mine, her FB is on pretty tight lockdown. On her page I can see her main picture, her basic info and a very basic wall (as in, just updates to her info). It only took an instant for my eyes to hone in on what was a pretty big piece of info for me: her city had been updated just one week ago BACK to where I live!

My mind and heart raced as if in competition. Would I be seeing them again soon? Why didn’t I know? Does she not WANT me to know? What does this mean for our OA?

I stopped, shared the info with my friend, and tried to take a breath.

Next step – email another first Mom friend of mine that I haven’t kept up with as much as I’d like – who is always good with advice and perspective.

Next step – dwell. Overthink. Ponder.

I wrestled myself back and forth from, WHY wouldn’t she email me to let me know that she’s moving back??? to She must be so busy, I should just sit it out and wait and then back again.I took myself on my own emotional roller coaster that I created in my head. Then, I took it to the boards. Asked some forum folk to see what came back.

Verdict: I have no clue.

In any given moment you might find me excited, scared, joyful, hurt, happy, angry, confused and probably a bunch of other emotions that I can’t even identify right now in my frazzled state. And I don’t think I have to choose between those – I can feel all of them somehow. They’re all true to the experience, though I wish I could simplify it.

But for now, I wait. I wait until I can be in a place to clearly figure out my next step. Do I email Dee out of the blue as though I don’t “know” this information? Do I give Dee her space and wish on shooting stars that she calls me? Do I potentially creep her out and say, “Hey, did you know I check for you on FB sometimes?? Guess what I found out??”

Yeah, I didn’t think so.

So today, I work. Tonight, I think. Maybe tomorrow, I do.

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7 Comments

Filed under all things adoption, blah, cupcake, friends in cyberland, me and Dee

7 responses to “New Year, New Surprise

  1. WOW… that’s a tough one! I’m the type who would email out of the blue and pretend that I don’t know.

    I hope you hear something soon!

    Happy New Year!

  2. Our son’s bf moved without letting us know, though I could see it when I stalked him on fb. (moved like 8 hours away). I waited a few weeks and then emailed him and said I was sending a package (really was sending a package) and wanted to make sure his address was still the same. Only then, did he tell us he moved (maybe embarrassed–IDK). Then didn’t tell us when he moved back 6 months later. Which I then had to ask again, but I waited until Christmas time when I was sending him another package. Is it really that hard?

    Email and tell her you want to send something for cupcake (and really have something to send) and wanted to verify the address!

    • TG

      I know that she didn’t want to tell me when they were moving away until it was 100% for sure because she didn’t want to upset the cart prematurely. Not sure if it was the same thing moving back of course (as in getting me excited prematurely).

      Even now, a few hours since I wrote, I’m less irritated than I was this morning. The emotion of the hour is hopeful 🙂

  3. Have you ever thought of adding her on facebook? Or asking her about becoming FB friends? then you wouldn’t have to stalk!

    Also – this is potentially big news. kudos for the presence of mind to think before acting! So curious to see what happens!!

    • TG

      I’ve definitely thought about it, and I’ll admit, I’m the big chicken on that one. I would like to be able to bring that up though, so perhaps that is in the future 🙂

      I’m feeling good about it right now though – just want to make sure that I took the time, took a breath and could come from a hopeful place (like where I am now!)

  4. Emily

    How long has it been since you have had contact with them? I am sorry you found out like that, but hope it ends up working out!

    • TG

      I emailed in November around Cupcake’s birthday, but haven’t gotten an email since July. That’s not totally abnormal, so was likely going to email early this year anyway.

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