I emailed Dee.
I don’t have a very good reason to have emailed her and I certainly didn’t have a game plan going into the email. I didn’t think about it beforehand and I didn’t scrutinize what I wrote. I just typed and typed and typed and when I had a nice three paragraphs of updates, requests, and questions, I sent it.
It seems to simple.
Of course, as soon as it sent I went through all the emotions and thoughts. I sat at my desk unable to type or think or cross anything off of my to-do list. I felt lightheaded even though I’d just eaten. I felt confused and nervous. I immediately ran to a safe space where I could share my newest action with friends that were riding alongside me in the boat of open adoption. I got it out there into the world that I had done something.
Once I got the quick and dirty version out, I came here. Because here I can get it all out, not just PC versions or censored versions but everything that’s going through my head.
I started typing.(I guess you know that part since you’re reading it….now this is getting confusing because I’m meta-blogging…..hold on, I need to get back in front of this again!)
PS – this is happening pretty much in real time.
I sent the email at 1:25, I posted on my forum thread at 1:31, and while I was writing that last bit, at 1:36 I received two pictures of Cupcake.
She’s impossibly grown up. She’s stunning. She’s a little lady.
It’s been ten minutes now since I received the pictures and I feel like I’ve yet to catch my breath. Like my head is even lighter than it was before. Like this is a magical place where we can email on a whim, respond on a whim, and hopefully, move forward in a meaningful way.
I’m hopeful and optimistic and ready for this piece of the puzzle to fall into place.
And we might have to forgo the “Adoption Free” part of tomorrow. 🙂