Category Archives: deep thoughts with TG

Not Sure I Can Do This Anymore…..

I wrote this last week. For some reason I didn’t publish it….I thought about tossing it, because I feel a little bit better today. Then I remembered that’s because I’m doing one of my favorite parts of the job: I’m in Houston, getting ready for one of our events tomorrow. While the travel can be draining, the thrill of the event is wonderful. The sense of accomplishment is awesome. And the people I will meet will no doubt amaze me.

But I need to remember that these weekends aren’t all of my job. And I need to weight if they’re enough of my job or not….and now I’m ahead of you, so here you go:

I’ve been waking up every morning with a sense of dread. It’s not too different than the sense of dread that lulled me to sleep. Yesterday, I looked past my sleeping husband to see the clock illuminate 4:44. In other words, too early for me to be up. Too early for me to be worrying about things. Too early for me to feel sick to my stomach – all because of my job.

This morning, it was 3:45 when I first woke up worried.

I love my job.

Sort of.

I love what I do. I love that I have purpose. I love that it’s a good thing.

I hate that it never goes away. When I shut down my computer at the end of a long day, it’s not a real shut down, but rather a hiatus. After a drive home periodically checking my BB for urgent updates, I sit on the couch and open my laptop. Resume work.

Weekends are filled with me keeping one eye on the weekend, the other on my BB. And when I elect to “turn off” and really disconnect from it all, it keeps me up at night and eats away at me. I worry about what I’m missing, if something came up, if something should have been done. I work with volunteers so the nature of the beast is that they work nights and weekends. They often expect (or at least would like) immediate responses.

Maybe I’m just not the kind of person that can do this long term. Maybe I’m just not the kind of person that wants to. My anxiety is making me nauseous in the mornings, to the point where brushing my teeth can set off a gag reflex that leaves me leaning over the sink desperate to keep whatever’s in my stomach in my stomach.

Bottom line: This is not good for me.

I often jokingly ask Long Board if I can have a baby now so that I can quit my job and stay home. He always laughs and says, “Not yet!!!”

Last night, I had to tell him I wasn’t joking. Well, at least about the job part. I’m on board with us waiting a little longer for Baby, but I’m not sure how much longer I can do this job. I think he always thought I just didn’t want to work….I’d hidden from him a lot of the stress and drama of the job. He knew the long hours were taking a toll….he knew the travel was tough on us. He didn’t realize how I was internalizing everything that was going on. How I feel badly about myself after being “wrong” all day. He didn’t realize how little I slept during the night. He didn’t understand that I feel like this job is keeping me from being the wife that I want to be – the person that I want to be.

Now, I get it. Working sucks. There are a few people that have the awesome luxury of loving what they do. The rest of us drag on day after day. I’m not delusional enough to think that I deserve better. That I’m different and don’t need to be just another working stiff. I just need to find something that I can do where work stays at work. Where I can hate my job but at least love being at home because the work doesn’t follow me there.

Thankfully, after a long and honest conversation, Long Board was the loving and supportive and amazing guy I can forget that he is. His offer: hold out until he gets his full-time gig (should be in December) so that I can get on his health insurance and everything and then I can quit.

Now, he’s not exactly on board with me being a stay at home wife, haha, but at least we can explore the option of something else. I’ve got a few ideas, so stay tuned!

Advertisements

4 Comments

Filed under brutal honesty, deep thoughts with TG, life with long board, sometimes I AM working, things that make my brain hurt

Not Technically Mrs. Long Board After All….

I didn’t really think about it, but I suppose I didn’t welcome myself back as Mrs. Long Board because I’m not Mrs. Long Board. I’m still just good ol’ TGM.

On the night that we finally sat down and filled out our marriage license I paused. I stalled. I freaked? I don’t think I went that far, but I was far enough that LB put his foot down and said that I’m not changing my name. So for now, for all legal purposes, I’m just Mrs.TGM. Who knows what the future will hold – probably a name change, but for now, we’ll stick with the status quo.

I tried to keep this change under wraps. I planned on responding to Mrs. LB, accepting mail sent to Mrs. LB, and not really making any kind of a public declaration that we were Mr. LB and Mrs. TGM. I’d go with the flow. Which worked great until I realized that every person I knew/met/bumped into on the street would ask me if I was going to change my name. I suppose that I thought not changing my name was so uncommon that it wouldn’t occur to people to ask. Oh, but they did.

My Dad was overjoyed – but without showing it. That meant a lot I suppose, and in a strange way it meant a lot to LB. My sister was a little horrified, if only because she had bought me a shirt for wedding day prep festivities that said “Future Mrs. LB.” I said, “Hey, one day I might be – you know, in the future, so it works!” 🙂 (See? Not throwing fits here!) LB’s family, well….I can’t get a read on them. That and the vast majority of them don’t know. His Mom knows because she asked and he wasn’t going to lie to her. I think she let it go at first, but asked more questions later. He answered with a brief, “It’s a personal decision that we made,” and cut off all further inquiries to the matter.

I’m fairly concerned for the day that both Grandma and Sister find out. They are the more….opinionated members of his family.

But I think there was a part of me that was concerned for the day that Cupcake would find out. God forbid we lose touch, I don’t want to be the only one that knows all the contact info. Sure, I could just give Dee my new last name, but my email has my current last name. I’m traceable. And it’s a connection to who I was when I had Cupcake. There was something about getting married that felt like shedding some of that person anyway….I think the name change felt a little bit like the final nail in that coffin.

Maybe I need to make a full transition from who I was to who I’m becoming….but something just wasn’t ready in me. My public answer is that I’ll probably change my name when we have kids. Of course, I’ll want to have the same name as my kids.

But even if I change it to Long Board, I’ll never have the same last name as all of my kids. Perhaps there’s a part of me that feels like if I didn’t give Cupcake my last name, why should I give that to her siblings? There’s some crazy part of me that wants to already keep things even. And I just have to accept that it will never be “even.”

Wow, the theme of this post sure evolved as I typed! Such is blogging! Now to ponder some more….

3 Comments

Filed under a little bit adoption, deep thoughts with TG, family ties, life with long board

Regrets

I’ve found myself thinking a lot about regret recently.

Mostly about how people say that they don’t have any regrets, because everything is a lesson learned or everything happens for a reason (or some such pretty little way to wrap things up).

And honestly? I kind of think it’s phooey.

How do you really go through your whole life without any kind of regret?

I think I first got super annoyed (and a little obsessed with this topic) when I watched an interview that Vienna (a la The Bachelor “fame”) talking about how she did not regret being on The Bachelor.  Now that’s all good and well. Enjoy your time on reality television, who am I to tell you what you should place value on in your life. But when she went on to say that she doesn’t regret anything she’s ever done in her life? I just can’t buy it!

Haven’t we all bought a dress that stayed in our closet, with the tags on, that we never wore yet constantly found ourselves asking, “Why did I buy that again???”

Haven’t we all gorged on a little too much food and thought, “Why, oh why, did I have that last scoop of peach cobbler??” (Okay, that was me at my department potluck today – so insert your own last scoop/slice/piece choice ;))

Haven’t we all had a haircut we wish we never got? (I know Long Board sure does!)

Are those huge life altering regrets? Probably not. But hey, never say never then!

As I looked up the definition of regret, to see if people were just being too uptight and restrictive, I was caught by one of the definitions of the transitive verb:

: to be very sorry for <regrets his mistakes>
Now this one REALLY got me thinking…..
.
To be honest? I think the world could probably use a lot more of this kind of regret!
.
To be even more honest? I think the adoption community could as well – and I don’t just mean that for one side of the triad either. There are things that have occurred in our adoption that I absolutely regret. That I 100% am very sorry for. I promised Dee a picture of Cupcake’s Dad for a long time before I was really ready to provide that kind of information. I didn’t want to say no to her because I was afraid of the repercussions, but at the same time, I didn’t totally plan on following through. I would write it off in emails that I couldn’t get to our pictures because they were packed away (true, but still). The truth was that I just wasn’t ready. In time, I told Dee the truth. We had a good conversation about it. All was well. But I regret not being more upfront at the start. I regret feeling like I couldn’t be open and honest.
.
There, I said it. I regret.
.
I hope that others do to…
.
I kind of hope that people are regretful when they break promises and close adoptions. I kind of hope that people are regretful when they lie, or stretch the truth. I sort of hope that people are regretful when they speak poorly and unfairly of their children’s first/adoptive parents. I hope that adoptive parents regret using unethical agencies and I hope that first Mom’s regret not disclosing the names of the biological fathers.
.
I think these are all things for which we should feel very sorry for.
.
Does this mean that we need to wallow in regret? That we need to beat ourselves up about every decision we’ve ever made until the end of time? Of course not! But I think a modest amount of regret might not be so unhealthy after all. You can still learn from the experience, you can still grow from the experience, but that doesn’t have to take away the element of regretting that it ever had to happen in the first place.
.
And perhaps we can even learn and grow a little more, by just being able to admit to at least the teensiest bit of regret.

7 Comments

Filed under a little bit adoption, blah, brutal honesty, deep thoughts with TG

The Reality of a Long Distance Relationship

In February of this year, Long Board and I began to rent a home “together.” It would be another four months before he considered the house his primary residence, but we were moving in that direction. From July 2009 to July 2011, we spent our weekends strategically negotiating between our cities. Living only 90 miles apart, this was doable. Not always easy, but most always doable.

With one long distance relationship over, I find myself in an even longer distance relationship. That’s of course my relationship with Dee and Cupcake. No mere handful of miles, this relationship spans a continent. Visits are not something to be planned lightly. Avid travelers, Long Board and I have quite the list of places that we’d like to go. To be honest, neither of us have Cupcake’s current state (either of the two where she might reside – I don’t really know for sure) in our top ten. Or top twenty. Top anything?

But that’s neither here nor there. Cupcake is there, which pushes the state up the list in my book.

However life is standing there, hands on hips, firmly in my way. There are only so many vacation days I get. (And with a job in events where there’s always another one around the corner, only so many that I can take at once!)  There is only so much money that we have – and with plans on the horizon to buy a house and build our family, savings is a priority.

Long distance relationships are enough of a challenge when both parties are active and enthusiastic…when one is lukewarm, I wonder what that means.

I’ve heard from Dee once since the move. No more, no less than usual. But a part of me thinks, out of sight, out of mind? What’s a realistic expectation regarding visits? I know it’s been hard enough to schedule a three hour get together, so what does a cross country trip take with regards to planning?

Will I have the anxiety I had the first time I left Long Board for an extended time? I knew we were to be apart at least 5 weeks and I lost it. The fear, worry, anxiety overwhelmed me. Yes, Dee and I have always had much more than five weeks between visits, and yes, I always know that as I’m leaving, but there’s a sliver of hope in me that says, In a moment of true need, it could be less time. I have every faith in the world that if I reached out and expressed my desire for a visit within a couple of months, we could discuss it – perhaps work something out. But now? We’re talking airfare, security checkpoints, baggage fees and expenses that I don’t have. I lose the peace of mind. The possibility that used to exist.

The strangest part of this is that I’m okay….sort of. I’ve made some sort of peace with it. I’m not the upset girl I was back in March when I felt blindsided. I’m looking on bright sides and being optimistic (and realistic at the same time). But I know that our relationship can’t be what I once thought it might become, for the sheer fact of distance (if not all the other potential factors). That’s okay. It really is.

I suppose I’m just figuring out how much I want that to be my “fault.”

Where do I draw the line in that sand about what responsibility I can take in this? How much do I budget/plan/adjust my plans for the future because of this change in our relationship? What can I put towards this LDR and what kind of risk am I ready to assume if the effort isn’t reciprocated?

It’s been nearly six months since our last visit….the six month itch it seems to be…the point where I start wondering about future visits.

I suppose I’m just trying to get my ducks in a row before I open it up to the rest of the flock 😉

4 Comments

Filed under all things adoption, deep thoughts with TG, what openness looks like

The Argument We’re Not Supposed to Make…

Sometimes I feel like I’m just slamming my head against a wall trying to get some people (okay, mostly adoptive parents – I just hate sounding like I’m picking on one side of the triad, especially when this is NOT to be generalized to mean “all adoptive parents”) to understand the first Mother experience. To understand why some first Mom’s don’t like the term birthmom. To understand the emotions of placing a child. To understand that feelings don’t just shut off with the signing of TPR or some arbitrary timeline elapsing.

Yet I keep coming up short. I keep failing to find the words that give someone their every own lightbulb moment. Despite all of my efforts, I fail.

Repeatedly.

At some point in this masochistic experience, a tiny little thought creeps into my head. I want to say it, but I don’t want to say it. I don’t want to offend. I don’t want to give the low blow. But….maybe, just maybe, there’s something there?

So I’ll hold my breath, squint my eyes shut and prepare myself for the retaliation that might follow…..

Could it be that some people just truly don’t understand because they’ve never carried a child and given birth?

Now that I’ve said it I feel like a total shit again!

I don’t know where else to say these things though….I’d love to be able to have a civil conversation about a topic like this, but I fear that opportunity will never come. It’s just too hot button a topic for me to believe that I could say that publicly and not be completely blasted for it.

I don’t know….I mean, my sister-in-laws get to throw around the fact that I’m not parenting to prove how I don’t understand raising children. I can’t possibly wrap my head around discipline because that’s not something I live with day to day. And it’s not my place to give any kind of feedback, advice, or hell, to even have an opinion to some extent.

So maybe something there goes both ways? Can you truly understand what that must be like? I don’t know….I think some people can….but maybe others can’t? I’m the first to admit that my life changed dramatically after giving birth. In ways that have little to nothing to do with placement. The physical act of carrying another person for nine months, of bringing them into the world, it changed me in more ways than I can articulate.

Just as parenting a child must change you, so too does pregnancy, labor, delivery.

I’m reminded often that I’m not parenting. I get it. I’ve never once felt the need to remind someone else that they were never pregnant. It’s a cruel reminder for too many, and one that I’ve never felt a desire to provide.

That’s not the point.

It’s not about hurting someone else, it’s about understanding our perspectives. Including all of our experiences that got us to where we are.

I’ve never experienced the struggle of trying to get pregnant. I’ve never experienced the heartbreak of losing a child to miscarriage. I try to be there for my friends that have. I want to understand them and be there for them in whatever way it is that they need – and understand that it’s not the same way for every person. But at the end of the day, I can’t understand their experience the way someone else that’s lived it has.

I think that many of us try to understand each other. I think some of us find it so hard to understand that even trying is a struggle. We debate and argue and fight and try to make square pegs fit into round holes. But they don’t. We all need to stop trying to make others lived experiences fit into our preconceptions about what we think there experience should be. We need to understand that my experience is not your experience (and it isn’t necessarily your kid’s first Mom’s experience either!), and vice versa.

Maybe that’s something we just need to accept….

Maybe at some point we need to stop trying so hard to understand someone else’s experience, to make it fit into that box, but rather just accept it.

Lord, I think this community could benefit from a whole lot more acceptance….

And as usual, I’ve veered wildly off course. What started as a desire to have an open and honest and not violent conversation about the unique experience of pregnancy and birth turned into a big picture about acceptance. I think both are important, but as I mentioned before, I fear we’re along ways away from being able to have either.

18 Comments

Filed under all things adoption, blah, brutal honesty, deep thoughts with TG, drama in cyberland, totally taboo

Okay, NOW I Can Get Pregnant

A few weeks ago, Long Board and I were talking with my family about our plans for our future family. I think it was my Dad that asked him if he wanted to have children. His answer: “Of course!” Dad knew that babies were in our future, but didn’t know how immediate that future was. He asked, “So you want this to happen soon?,” and LB replied, “I’ve been trying to get her pregnant for years!”

Horrified, I slapped LB, rolled my eyes, turned shades that would make Crayola proud and tried to change the subject. But it’s true. Long Board has literally been trying to get me pregnant for years. (Well, two). He used to joke that he was going to be the first man to successfully trap a woman with a pregnancy. I tried to explain to him that’s just not how it works, but he was insistent.

Now, here we are, a couple months away from the wedding and he’s still on the baby train. The jokes have really been picking up steam over the past few months. Just yesterday I picked him up from work and said, “Guess what?” “You’re pregnant???” “No.”

And it’s not with horror on his face. He would genuinely be quite stoked by the idea. I’ve had to get him to pump the brakes on the whole joking about a pregnancy thing – not because I wouldn’t want a baby, but because I bought a wedding dress that won’t accommodate a person living inside of me. Now that we’re in the home stretch I’ve finally given him permission: do you’re best. At two months, my dress should still fit! No one will think we got engaged eight months ago to conceal the gestation period of an elephant! You already told my Dad you’ve been having relations with me for years! What’s the harm now?

Sometimes I can’t tell how serious he is about the whole immediate baby thing. We’ve got a date on the books as when we’d like to “pull the goalie” if you will, and it’s not like it’s THAT far off. Ideally, we’d like to get a little bit of time in for us both to be working, saving money, creating a little nest egg before we’re dealing with a different kind of an egg….but it wouldn’t be the worst thing ever if things happened ahead of schedule.

To the point where I almost want to give up on that whole BC thing…see what happens….I know, I know – normally that’s considered irresponsible. How did I get to the place where that is what’s supposed to happen? I haven’t ditched the goalie yet, but I’m definitely no longer scared of a malfunction, be it user error or otherwise.

What’s the worst that could happen? Long Board and I could become amazing parents!

What should be so scary about that?

7 Comments

Filed under deep thoughts with TG, life is good, life with long board, things that make you go wow

Open Adoption Roundtable #28!! Open Adoption: My Alternative Lifestyle

First of all, can I just say – TWENTY-EIGHT!?!?! I’m so happy that the Open Adoption Roundtable has stuck around and grown and become such an awesome resource! I’ve missed a few here and there (okay, a big-ish chunck around the low 20’s) but I so enjoy having them as a platform. I looked back at some of the oldies from my first blog and my pathetic number of contributions since I made the move. Who knows, maybe I’ll even go back and respond to some of the ones I missed….Also, I’m really hoping we do another interview one soon! I’d love to connect with another awesome blogger out there! 🙂

Anyway, back to the main event for the day.

Write Mind Open Heart posed the question she had received from her friend Joanne, which was then posted on Heather’s blog (Production Not Reproduction) and here we are!

So, without further adieu, here are the questions posed and my answers!

1.       Can the adoptive parents really go back on their word after the adoption has been finalized and do whatever they please in regard to updates and pictures?

Yep, pretty much!

I could elaborate on this, but I almost don’t think I need to. The answer is just YES.

2.       Who is the go-between for communication with most Open Adoptions: the case worker, the placing agency, or the lawyer handling the adoption?

The open adoption that we have between me, Dee, and Cupcake is certainly a little unusual because I placed via California’s “Safe” Haven laws. In the beginning, all contact was through the case worker. I would receive phone calls from her letting me know if Dee had emailed her. Rather than forwarding me any emails/pictures, I would drive an hour and a half to her office to pick up grainy print-outs in order to “protect Dee’s anonymity.” (Of course, these communications could have been forwarded with Dee’s information removed with just a hint of effort on the part of the social worker, but me driving just made much more sense….where’s that darned sarcasm font when you need it???)

About eleven months in, Dee and Cupcake and I had our first visit, social worker in tow. Joy. (I was not in love with the social worker at this point). The social worker had actually already left the agency, but wanted to see this through to the introduction. Rather than work with someone completely different, Dee and I just agreed to maintain direct communication from that point forward.

3.       What are the advantages and disadvantages for each of the above contact persons?

I personally felt more disadvantages than advantages. I always felt like Dee and the SW were friends in a way, and that I was this outsider. Because of their relationship (maybe it was due to something else, but it felt tied to this), Dee was given MUCH more information about me than I ever knew about her or Cupcake. She knew what I wore when I brought Cupcake to the hospital, what I wore at visits, even what the SW guessed that I weighed! I felt…violated?

I would guess that Dee found comfort…a friend….someone to know what was “normal” in this process. And, of course, she got a “buffer” separating herself from me should something not go as planned.

Dee probably benefited, but looking back especially, I don’t think that I did.

4.       How can case workers be involved in Open Adoption as well if DHS are already so understaffed and the budgets are maxed out for the thousands of forgotten children lost in the system?

No clue. My daughter was placed through a County Foster/Adoption agency, so I know they had a lot on their plate. I think that it wasn’t SO heavy in involvement because she really only had (chose?) to be involved on one side. I wasn’t counseled or anything. I actually asked about anything that they offered and they gave me a list of three places that might be able to provide something on a sliding fee scale. With no insurance and limited income, I had to pass.

The actual “involvement” that I saw was that she would contact us when emails/letters were sent/received, and forward when appropriate.

5.       Is there an incentive such as money for the adoption agency to be still involved indirectly and indefinitely for an Open Adoption? Does it cost the prospective adoptive parents more money upfront for it to be an open adoption?

I have no clue if there is a different price for adoptive parents, but I have never heard of anything like that….

6. If the contract is legally binding, what happens to the adoptive parents if they don’t follow through? Is there really any legal recourse for both parties that are clearly spelled out?

There’s the threat of big, bad, mediation. Supposedly you can even go to court and get a judge to mandate that you follow through (but I don’t know what happens if you don’t do it then – a fine? That goes where? No clue….)

I realize that it wouldn’t be fair to the child to say, “Break your promise and you have to give the child back!” BUT I think that the real recourse is kind of a joke. Adoptive parents often seem very afraid of legally binding agreements because of the potential recourse, but I don’t quite get it. The biggest deterred for them, I think, seems to be the fear of having to pay a lawyer’s fees should they be unfairly accused of not following through.

It seems that these contracts are also worded in a way that there is very little point. “Visits shall occur twice yearly unless it is deemed that it is not in the best interest of the child.” But what does that MEAN??? And if it’s the adoptive parents who are the final deciders of what “best interest of the child” means – what’s the point? How does that hold them accountable in the first place?

Having said that – there are some adoptive parents that are VERY committed to their open adoption agreements…to the point where I tend to believe that the folks that agree to agreements are often the folks that wouldn’t need them in the first place!

7.       What deters the birth parents from coming to your house unannounced?

Nothing I suppose?

But as a first parent I can say this: I had Dee’s address for nearly four years and I never once drove by. Never once considered it. Knew where she worked, where Cupcake went to day care, even where one of their favorite neighborhood restaurants was. I knew what parks they liked to play at. And I never stopped by, drove by, or visited one of those locations.

Partly – I’ll admit – because I’d look like a loony toon if I was caught!

But also, I didn’t see the point. I’m not going to turn stalker for a glimpse of my child. I’m not going to risk building our relationship on that. Not worth it, no way, no how.

As for just stopping by? The only place I stop by unannounced is my parents house less than a mile from my place because (a) they love it, and (b) that’s where I do my laundry! Anywhere else? My brothers’ house, my sisters’ house, a friend’s house? I’d never just stop by unannounced because it’s not appropriate. Double – nay, triple? – what’s more than quadruple??? – the level of inappropriateness in this situation!

8. Do you know if there are any court cases where it’s obvious that there are loopholes in Open Adoption that need to be addressed?

Hm…..not off the top of my head, and I’m sure someone else would have better information that I would, should I just go out a-huntin’.

9. Just like there are issues with closed adoptions and we have the outspoken activists’, etc., are there any Open Adoption opponents or vice versa that are working to be the voice for the birth mothers as well as the adoptive children and their best interests?

I feel that there are certainly people that don’t like the idea of open adoption….they cling to the “fact” that it would be terribly confusing for the children. There’s also one of my favorite arguments that it’s just “not fair” to “force” the child to build a relationship with this stranger (you know – the stranger that gave birth to them). Mind you, these same people are more than welcome to introduce their child to all kinds of other strangers. You know, the grandparents the child doesn’t know yet. The aunts and uncles that they haven’t met. But that’s different….they’re family. Arguably, a birth Mother would also be family, but that’s not always the definition used.

So yes, some are very opposed to open adoption.

But there are also amazing groups of people that advocate for open adoptions and I’ve learned so much from those women.

10. When is the adoptee old enough to choose if they want contact or not? What if they are the ones who want to break off ties with the bio parents?

I think that there is no hard and fast answer to this question….if a child grows up just knowing their biological parents and not knowing any different, then they don’t have to make that decision. Like SO many other decisions in life, their parents made it for them. This is not unique in that scenario.

If children are not in open relationships with biological parents, I think it needs to be evaluated on a case by case basis. If a five year old is often asking questions, maybe it would be appropriate then. If it’s a young teen that wants contact, perhaps it’s time to find the best way to navigate that. Perhaps they want to wait until they’re an adult. That’s fine too. Reading the cues of the adoptee would be paramount in my opinion.

If my adult placed daughter wants to break off ties with me, I’d be devastated, but I’d respect her wishes. But if as a four year old she said she didn’t want to have a visit, I might think “tough cookies!” There are LOTS of things four year olds don’t necessarily want to do: go to school, come inside, take a nap, etc., but if it’s not going to harm them (and a visit with me isn’t harming, I promise!) then I think that it would be like visiting any other relative. (Now if the child clearly was actually having a long term negative reaction, I’d never force them into visiting.)

11. Are there any support groups/legal aids for birth mothers where they can get honest answers with their concerns for open adoptions?

I’ve reached out here and there, but my most valuable information and relationships have come from blogs, forums and making the connections on my own. There wasn’t a support group available to me, so I had to create my own the best I could. And it’s been a great support system for me so far, and I appreciate everyone who has been a part of it.

You can check out the rest of the responses either via the Open Adoption Roundtable  or at Write Mind Open Heart. Enjoy!

Also – any other questions from someone not in an open adoption? Now taking requests! 🙂

3 Comments

Filed under all things adoption, deep thoughts with TG, me and Dee, open adoption roundtable, what openness looks like