First of all – I’ve put the wedding in a spot in my brain under the heading, “Still really far away.” So while I deal with details calmly and one by one, I do it without any real pressure. Then I realized that the wedding is 136 days away. (Thank you handy dandy Cr@te & B@rrel registry reminder!) 100 days away seems like a real countdown number. A number that means the wedding is happening – and just around the corner! And 36 days is like nothing! Barely more than a month! I literally know what I’m doing every day for the next 36 days. So I’m booked until the countdown date! And so two small manageable numbers combined still make the wedding seem…..close? for the first time since the engagement.
(Did any of that crazy even make sense to you??)
So. Back to the point at hand. Decisions, decisions everywhere.
And there’s one decisions that’s been “made”…..but is still sort of discussed. Mostly in lots of jokes and teases. But at the end of the day, it’s actually a serious topic. And that is: What the hell to do with my name?
Logic dictates that I will basically become Mrs. T G Board. (You know what I mean).
Truth be told? I’ve never been that psyched about the idea of losing my name. It’s my name. Also, my Dad has no legal sons. (That reads really strangely to me, but I didn’t want to say “biological” as I didn’t want to suggest that non-biological children wouldn’t carry on the family name, and my Dad does have sons, they just have their biological Dad’s last name). Anyway, because my Dad has no sons that will carry on his last name, a very young TG once professed that she would keep her last name to continue on her Father’s lineage. I turned pretty crunchy granola in the 6th grade, starting the KSE Club – Kids Saving the Earth (we met weekly under a large tree in the playground) and becoming as passionate as a 6th grader can about women’s rights. I couldn’t do much, but I could find ways to recycle and I could promise that I would keep my last name. So that’s what I did.
I know that the declarations of an eleven year old girl aren’t set in stone, but I feel a tug towards that sometimes….
On the other hand, I love Long Board (and don’t hate his last name ;)) so I wouldn’t mind going that way either. His suggestion was that I do as his sister did, and move my current last name to be a middle name. Which would be kind of doable except that my last name could never be mistaken for a middle name and just doesn’t really work as one. Also, my parents already gave me two middle names, making my name already not fit on my drivers license, leading me to be harassed by various security guard/police personnel in bars/liquor stores/casinos for having a fake license. (To which I always want to respond, “If I was making a fake license, wouldn’t I just use a shorter name???”) Anyway, I have no desire to have five names.
His next suggestion? Drop one of my current middle names.
This just feels like an extra slap in the face.
“Mom. Dad. I’m getting rid of my last name sort of, and one of the middle names you picked for me, and then I’ll move the last name over to the second middle name position that never really gets used anyway, in order to keep that part of me. Thanks!”
Nah. Not for me.
Want a sillier reason?
When I was in high school, my Mom wanted me to date (marry?) this guy that I was in choir with. He had a funky last name, but the first initial of his last name combined with my first and middle initials would have spelled a word. My sis and I ALWAYS wanted our initials to spell words. We thought it was freaking awesome. There are only four last name letters that would make my initials a word, and this was by far the coolest of those possible words.
Of course, I thought that guy was a dork and would never in a million years have dated (married) him. (Truth? He wasn’t that dorky, but I had a crush on his older brother ;))
I didn’t think about those initials for over a decade – until I met Long Board. The night we met, when he told me his last name? I thought – Holy crap. My initials would spell a word…..
And here we are.
So I’m torn between the beliefs of a pre-pubescent environmentalist and a high school girl that wants her initials to spell a stupid word! Good reasons, eh?
So I had to throw away the hypotheticals and come up with an opinion as a grown ass woman that’s actually going to get married. And I’m incredibly stuck. Fortunately, Long Board is incredibly supportive of whatever I decide. (He even offered to take one of my middle names – a pretty girly one – and add it to his current middle name so that we’d have the same initials. Yes, that same word, haha).
Most of the time, I suppose I lean towards taking his last name. We want to have children and I want my children to have the same last name as their parents. Hyphenating is another option LB would be supportive of, but that poor kid would have a HELLA long last name and we don’t want our poor first grader having to memorize/learn to write a seventeen character last name.
Side note pulling at my thoughts?
I’ve spent some time with Long Board’s sister, and let’s just say she’s got some VERY strong opinions on this issue. Apparently LB’s brother’s wife did NOT take his last name. Their plan is also that their children will have her last name. Long Board (and his brother) have a very….white? last name. Their children will not be white. The wife’s last name will reflect the children’s heritage and the culture in which they will be raised. So they decided that the children should have that last name. LB’s sister? Is NOT okay with this. She once lectured me on how disrespectful it was, how she couldn’t ever imaging being that disrespectful to her husband, and basically told me what she would think of me if I didn’t take LB’s last name. (Mind you, we weren’t even engaged when I got the big lecture.) And yes, I wanted to send the Ninja her way reeeeeeal bad right about then.
Of course, this kind of makes me want to not take his name just to piss her off. Yes, I’m a sort of bad person.
At the end of the day, I’ll probably take LB’s last name.
Not because of my initials spelling a word….
Not because I think it means I have more respect for LB than if I didn’t….
Not because i think a woman should have to take her husband’s last name….
I’m not even 100% sure why I will. Maybe because he loves and respects me enough to support any decision. Because I like the idea of our family being one cohesive (non seventeen letter ;)) unit under the same name.
But I will always respect anyone’s decision to do anything that they like with their last name. Lord knows I understand what a big and complex decision it can be!